Oh my god it was the best night of my life since I was initiated into the Silly Buggers Society at Eton, I misheard the rules and pushed a whole aubergine into my ear hole. Anyways I must have done some really bad stuff because I wake up the next morning, well next afternoon if you know what I mean choff! I wake up and I'm like in prison on Alcatraz. I mean it was such an incredible experience so spiritual and cultural to be right here where like Nelson Mandela and Robin Hood and Al Gore were imprisoned, I know this cos I looked on Wikepedia, but it was also kind of brutal and cold, not a lot of food and I didn't really know what anybody was saying...some strange dialect similar to Cornish or poor person's lingo you know, they called it Umurican or something.
It was really bad man because the outfit they gave me to wear so did not go with the new chinos that I'd just bought from Ralph Lauren...
I decided to escape from my cell and the prison because it felt to me as though it was not the cell and prison to my body but the cell and prison to my soul... gosh that's just like something John Lemon.....Lenon would say. I also had to go because, after a bit of an attack on the supplies, I'd just chundered everywhere! Oh gosh man you should have seen the mess in my cell, it was kind of like that wallpaper, you know the stuff with the little chunklets in it, it was like that when its still wet.
Anyway no thanks to Tarquin (see my blog video) choff! arse, I made it off Alcatraz and got onto a train headed for Lost and Jellied, or Bossed and Bellied, sounded like lashing centres (public houses) to me. On the way I got to the Pacific Ocean and oh the most incredible scenery...
The spiralling clouds and and the crashing waves, kind of made me feel a bit chunderish actually so I had to divert my attention, I couldn't Tweet Tarquin or Facebook Rastafaria because they took my Blackberry from me on Alcatraz... either that or I drank it because I drank everything else that wasn't moving, Woah Banter!
We then went passed this like Space Centre where NASA work, I'm not sure but I think NASA stands for Nudists And Scots Away, it probably does because the whole time we were there I didn't see a bum-cheek or kilt anywhere. Anyway its all to do with space stuff and they were going to play astronauts or something until one of their rockets blew up or something then they didn't want to play anymore so they gave all their space costumes and stuff to Texas to distract them from their impotence and pointlessness... such and incredible place though...
I found myself looking back at the sea wondering what lay in store for me on the rest of my Gap Yah, would I ever get to Ustralia, Uraq or the United Urub Umirates??? The sea was still choppy so I made a visit to coach class to chunder onto some of the great unwashed, oh so incredible, some of the chunklets were big enough for them to have an actual meal!!!
In between the occasional Chunder and Yoga lesson in the Ashram carriage, one along from the Buddhist reflection carriage, run by this amazingly spiritual guy, I think he was from Leicester; I took time to update my facebook status and get my picture taken for mumsy, she so worries when I'm travelling, I suppose Tarquin and I do have something of a reputation...Choff!
Check out my chunklets of Chunder on the beach, that's all soya beans, beetroots and rice water, part of my Hindu diet to keep my innards regular, certainly kept Chunder regular, Woah Banter!!!
P.S could someone let me know if Tarquin turns up I haven't seen him since Sam from Tesco, or was it Banned from Unesco.... San Francisco, yah thanks google maps
Yours
Chunder Monkey.
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