Monday, July 26, 2010

British Columbia... That's right 'British' Columbia

Having arrived into Vancouver, home of the 2010 Winter Olympic Games, and largest city in the Canadian Province of British Columbia... we realised that there was not a lot to do, so we set off on the ferry bound for that little paradise of Vancouver Island. Destination, Victoria, the largest city on the Island and Capital of the Province. as the Island came into view it became clear that there was a reason that this place was called British Columbia... because it was almost as beautiful as the 'Old Country' itself.







We arrived in Victoria and immediately Chris became teary-eyed and trembly-lipped. 'Just cut the provincial flag in two and throw the bottom half away' were his thoughts...



So British was this place, that there was little or no need to claim any territory in the name of Her Majesty, as Canada, unlike her rowdy and less behaved neighbour to the south, has had the good sense to remain under the sweeping reign and power of the British Monarchy...(guess who's writing). The Empress Hotel was testament to this city, hardly changed by the decades (apart from the influx of the deadly virus, Caffinus Starbucksium) remaining as a memorial to the glory of past Imperial days (there was a Union Flag on the hotel, the right hand flag I think).




Outside the Provincial Parliament Building was the most enormous tree. at over 30m (100ft) tall it was planted in the late 1800's to honour Queen Victoria, and now serves as the city's official Christmas tree, decorated every December for the festive season.




The very impressive Parliament Building was a close match, in beauty rather than style, to her mother, the mother of all Parliaments in London, nevertheless an imposing and beautiful structure right on Victoria harbour.





Ever on the search for ways of proving where he'd actually been should Customs, the Police or a suspicious girlfriend ever accuse him of falsifying his travel plans, just to avoid them, Chris gladly took the opportunity to photograph the City of Victoria's crest, even if it was printed in the pavement...






Several infections of Starbucksium later we were picked up by Lorna Ross, Sheila Fairclough's sister and taken to her home for dinner, a real bed and a desperately needed shave for Chris... Chicken kebabs were eaten for supper and Chris took full advantage of the fact that none of the Ross family present, knew any of the material currently used by British comedians... the only way he could get a word in, between the reminiscing going on between Kate and the Ross household about their last encounters 4 years ago when they were one of Kate's surrogate families during her Canadian Gap Yah.


In the morning Dean, Lorna's husband took us to the Mill Bay Ferry where we would make our journey up to Shawnigan Lake, on the Island's interior, to meet with Sharon, surrogate Mummy no.2. We met with Sharon on the other side and the reminiscing began again, Chris biding his time until he knew a little more about his audience before pouncing with quips about Captain Rhod, Gap Yah's, WW2 pilots or some shit like that etc.


Sharon took us up to her home, up a private 2km lane inhabited only by her, her sisters and their families. the land owned by them was inhabited by moo-cows (sorry Hannah) and doggies (more on them later). We were taken to the Lake man made by Sharon's brother-in-law Raymond. Good job Ray!!!








Really Good Job!!!







So to doggies, At this point we were both really missing the Big G and the BIIIG F (George and Frank) it came as a welcome release to be brought into the company of the cuddly Oreo and the absolutely beautiful Shamu (seen below) who took instant affection to Chris sleeping out on Sharon's balcony every night whilst we were there. We came to learn that Shamu too was pining for loved ones as her owners, Sharon's sister and brother-in-law were away and Chris reminded Shamu of her papa. The Grim reality is that (really sorry Hannah) Chris spent the next 6 days hugging and kissing another beautiful red-headed girl... sorry but can you blame me... look at her.












Seriously look at her...










Oreo too was equally cuddly and cute though more inclined to hang with Kate than Chris as she was older and wiser than Shamu











After managing to earn herself a 4 day weekend, 'Auntie Sharon', as she became known, set about taking us to see the sights of Shawnigan Lake... Kinsel Trestle but that was closed so that it could be rebuilt... bugger! So we went off back to Victoria to go and see some of the sights we'd missed on our previous visit. And to sponge off of Starbuck's free Wi-Fi.


Sharon took us to the other side of the Harbour where we visited the docked houseboats, beautiful little buildings in the most gorgeous of settings.











We then ate lunch at Barb's Fish and Chips, a lunch of the most delicious halibut and chips and chicken strips on God's green Earth. Even Chris ate some of the halibut it was that good!










As we waited for our meals to settle before setting off again, a seal appeared in the harbour and entertained the crows for a good ten minutes gladly accepting the fish offered him by passers by...









We walked off our fish and chips with a walk along the breakwater at the entrance to Victoria Harbour, it was our (certainly Chris's) first time exposed to the power of the Pacific Ocean, the calm waters of the harbour on the right protected by the wall from the forces of nature out at sea. We witnessed an old man loose his hat in the swell but couldn't help but think 'If you are stupid enough to wear a hat out onto an exposed coastal front like that, and even if you do to not hold onto it, then you deserve to be publicly humiliated.'








It was then off to one of the city parks, close to where Sharon grew up, in the park was a petting Zoo. Swarming with feral children and ineffective parents the most popular display, the baby goats, were under full attack. Kate immediately took control of the situation rescuing several of the more distressed kids (the baby goats), some of which were being sat on by some of the fatter human offspring, from their cholesterol peril. Posing with a rescued Kid, Kate was greeted and thanked by a tearful and grateful nanny goat, a heartwarming scene captured by an unknown photographer who should be working for National Geographic...










Some of the other exhibits were less populated by the awful youth and were more peaceful, the bird enclosures for one and Chris's camera once again proved to be worth its weight in gold...










A late afternoon stroll through the park brought an unexpected and amusing example of a young nation desperate for some heritage, the plaque on this bridge said 'This bridge, built in the medieval style was constructed in 1899'... nice try Canada.






The next day we ventured north from Shawnigan Lake to Parksville, a seaside town with stunning beaches...





And an internationally popular sand-sculpting festival. The skill of the artists was truly immense...both sculpting and wordplay, notice the caveman playing golf and the title 'Missing Links'...





Then it was on to the town of Coombs with its famous market-place entitled 'Goats on the Roof' simply because instead of tiles the entire market roof is covered and has always been covered in turf and populated by a herd of goats... honestly (Google it!)...




The sign says it all...




We left Coombs via Montan's restaurant and the video store, a rental of Sherlock Holmes ended the evening well, that and another freaking sunset!






Confusing times followed, were we going to Lucy's further up the Island, or weren't we??? It turned out we weren't instead she would come to us, as a result we were free to hang around at the lake, whilst Sharon attended her nephew's (by marriage) wedding. a few hours later Emma, the groom's cousin and one of Kate's cohorts from her Gap Yah came down with an invitation from the newlyweds to join them at the reception, a true honour to be welcomed like one of the family. Held up in the top field the relatively small scale occasion was nonetheless full of warmth, good humour and more than enough alcohol to hospitalise Sharon for a month (but it was a Saturday night).
The next morning some of us were nursing the wounds of the night before; Ray, a Hangover, Sharon, a bruise or two, Chris, a severely exhausted joke reserve (all British) and Emma, a severely fractured Ab (no real fracture only pulled muscle, DAD!). Emma had nevertheless learned the lesson, not to engage in a competitive game of badminton with an British man on home ground, it may have been her back garden but Canada = Britain = a British mans home ground.
We took the opportunity to sunbathe the day away beside the Lake, before retiring in the evening for BBQ and Chris's first taste of ice-cream cake YUMMY! that and the arrival of Lucy who would take us down to Victoria the next morning.
Oh B.T.W this is 'Petty Cat' Sharon's enormous kitty, though thin because it is summer; he's normally twice the size in winter, really we saw pictures! aptly nick-named 'Kung-Fu Kitty' because of his tendency to sit under the steps up to Sharon's front door and swipe at any feet that passed.



Morning came and so to did the times for the emotional goodbyes, Chris's couldn't be shown as the tears were too great...








Lucy drove us to Victoria where we once again caught Starbucksium and a deadly sister-strain of the virus, McDonaldatis Nuggetimus; North America is being laid waste by these diseases, they really must be stopped.
We boarded our ferry 'The Victoria Clipper' adourned with the Union Flag and prepared to make a strike with our British vessel at the Land of the Free. Home of the Brave and 80% of the world's internet pornography industry (I made this fact up but its probably pretty close to the truth). As we raced at 30 Knots, which is pretty freaking fast for a passenger ferry, towards the United States, the sun began to set on our Canadian adventures metaphorically and phisically...






Told you it was fast...








As we approached the American coast in the distance we spotted Mt Rainier, an active Volcano and sister of the much more famous Mt St Helens, our destination for tomorrow.





In days gone by, the sun never set on the British Empire, which is perhaps why it set just as soon as we'd left...





We arrived back into the USA with fond memories of friends made and reunited...





The adventures of Mongo and the Boy written and experienced by
Kate 'It's not Deja-Vu, you have actually been here before' Davies
And
Chris 'British comedy is 99% stolen material, we do it because we can' Davies

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